Sunday, 30 November 2008

God, Where ARE You?

It was just one of those tough days. Not a lot has gone right, despite singing okay in my first foray at special music in about a year and a good discussion in the small group tonight at youth group. Sometimes, though, when I say that, maybe now I'm wondering if I'm just fooling myself.

I WANT to make a difference. I want to help the high school students that darken Cornerstone's doors grow in their walk with Christ. I know I'm still learning how to best do it because it's an art and not a science. An art is learned through practice. And in the case of youth group, or camp, or any ministry that God blesses, He provides the increase in His own time.

But like I said, nights like this are tough. Snarky, hurtful comments don't seem to end and a lack of enthusiasm can spread like a cancer. And then it makes it harder for those that are there and want to learn something and to actually grow. It always sows this seed of doubt in my mind: did I do something wrong?

And then... I come home and get more bad news that isn't even worth writing about. And I finally had enough. I couldn't take it. I sat down on the couch, and tried to talk to God about everything. But I couldn't. Instead, I felt as alone as I've ever felt. And I ended up asking, "God, where ARE You?"

But then, I remembered the verse from Romans (8:26, I looked it up later) that said the Holy Spirit will pray what we need FOR US what words cannot express. The Holy Spirit (that's GOD) will pray for us what words cannot express. When I remembered that I started to cry for the first time in recent memory.

I'm still feeling alone, but not AS alone. Because I have the Holy Spirit praying FOR me. And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that.