Oh how life changes in a week

I was talking to Ben just on Monday night. It was awesome because,

1. I miss my friend. College relationships are a blessing and a bummer. I love them, hate them, love to hate them, and thank Jesus for them so much.

2. We got a chance to ask each other how we could pray for one another. I mentioned stuff on my end about, amongst other things, teaching and finding a job.

Two days after that, I get a voicemail related to a part-time job at LUDINGTON. Two days after THAT, I actually HAVE said job. Two days from now, I start.

I couldn't be more thankful to, first of all, be WORKING, and second, in MUSIC EDUCATION, for the first time in about two years. It's such a great feeling to say, "HEY! I'm WORKING. I'm a TEACHER!" If this dovetails into a real, honest-to-goodness "big person" full-time job, it'd really be my dream come true.

But for now, I'll be thankful for what I do have. God answers prayer. (And I have to lesson plan REALLY FAST!)

Sunday, 01 November 2009

I Still Need Jesus RIGHT NOW

So the other night and in the morning, I had the unshakable feeling that I needed to pray for one of my campers from this past summer. I'm not sure why, exactly. I always wonder if it's the Holy Spirit telling me that I need to pray for someone. It was a great time in prayer for one of the guys, regardless.

I'm not sure what has been different about this past couple of weeks, but I think the biggest thing I've finally realized... again. I think deep, DEEP down I knew it but I had lost sight of it and just needed to remember.

At camp we tell our campers that they need Jesus. Because they're sinners. And that the only way to God is through Him. And that when we accept Him as Savior, we have a relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit is in us, and there is no longer separation from God.

And that's true.

But what I think I lost sight of, so to speak, is that even when we accept Him, we NEVER stop needing that relationship. Just like we never stop needing air as long as we're alive. It's so simple, but so crucial.

I needed Jesus the day I wanted to accept Him. And I need Him just as much NOW.

No, it's not technically new. But at the same time, it really is revolutionary.

Currently Clouds Are Forming The Glory of God see related

Sunday, 30 November 2008

God, Where ARE You?

It was just one of those tough days. Not a lot has gone right, despite singing okay in my first foray at special music in about a year and a good discussion in the small group tonight at youth group. Sometimes, though, when I say that, maybe now I'm wondering if I'm just fooling myself.

I WANT to make a difference. I want to help the high school students that darken Cornerstone's doors grow in their walk with Christ. I know I'm still learning how to best do it because it's an art and not a science. An art is learned through practice. And in the case of youth group, or camp, or any ministry that God blesses, He provides the increase in His own time.

But like I said, nights like this are tough. Snarky, hurtful comments don't seem to end and a lack of enthusiasm can spread like a cancer. And then it makes it harder for those that are there and want to learn something and to actually grow. It always sows this seed of doubt in my mind: did I do something wrong?

And then... I come home and get more bad news that isn't even worth writing about. And I finally had enough. I couldn't take it. I sat down on the couch, and tried to talk to God about everything. But I couldn't. Instead, I felt as alone as I've ever felt. And I ended up asking, "God, where ARE You?"

But then, I remembered the verse from Romans (8:26, I looked it up later) that said the Holy Spirit will pray what we need FOR US what words cannot express. The Holy Spirit (that's GOD) will pray for us what words cannot express. When I remembered that I started to cry for the first time in recent memory.

I'm still feeling alone, but not AS alone. Because I have the Holy Spirit praying FOR me. And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that.

Monday, 17 November 2008

Prayer Yields Calm, Like a Mighty Wave

Sometimes, I fear that times of trouble are the only times we remember to run to God. We often forget to praise God just for no reason, to be thankful, or to come together as one body just because, well... let's be honest for a second.

When things are going well, we're comfortable. We like that. It's normal. Why should we interrupt ourselves if things go the way we would expect them to? We're God's children. When life goes the way a small child expects it to, he tends to go about his business, spending the day playing or doing whatever things sound fun to him. If the parents factor into that plan, all the better for them, but most normal children just want to do what THEY want. Oftentimes, they tend to only go running to Mom and Dad when something's wrong or they WANT something. Not always, but typically. As children of God, I guess we don't act a lot different. Not to say that we shouldn't at least be mindful of our behavior and TRY and be different. Being mindful of God, acknowledging, praising, and thanking Him even in the good times is something we should do. But when that doesn't happen, it shouldn't surprise us, either.

That said, my church ran into a scenario where we needed God in a not so good time. Crisis can still spur the congregation into rapid action in an instant. And we ran to God because, well, that's all we knew to do in that moment. All activity ceased. Lifted Voice had just finished practicing for Middle School Youth Group. Middle School Youth Group itself was in the midst of its lesson. And there was the evening service as well. A close family friend from church was dealing with a medical crisis that, when we got the info from his wife, we weren't exactly sure WHAT it even was. It sounded like one of those medical stumpers that Dr. House takes on. Needless to say, we were frightened.

"Guys, we have to pray about this. Now!" I was pleased beyond belief to hear this from one of my high schoolers. They wanted to pray for him. So we gathered in and some of my high school crew started praying for this fellow church member right away. Meanwhile, the evening service ground to a halt and they, too, started praying for him. And Bob, downstairs with the middle school kids, was praying for him.

My friend made it through this ordeal just fine. What exactly happened to him we might never know. But in the middle of this medical scare, which baffled the medical personnel at the hospital at the time, his family felt a certain "wave" of peace while they were there. I can't help but think that it's a response to the massive outpouring of prayer coming from the church almost all at once, from the congregation gathered in the sanctuary, the middle school youth downstairs, and the small gathering of high schoolers by the church office.

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Funny how it all works out.

I felt like maybe like I was a bit irresponsible. I finally ran out of time and decided I just couldn't plan a full lesson for the Bible Studs. The clock had defeated me. Yet something in me just refused to throw in the towel and call the night. No, I simply couldn't do that.

Well, then. What to do?

I thought of that e-mail exchange. The call for prayer, the answer, and the affirmation that my own were making a difference. And I remembered I wasn't alone. Surely I wasn't the only one among the Bible Studs that needed prayer.

So Monday was a precursor to the end of the semester. And an appropriate one, according to Zach. It was needed by everyone. I had challenged everyone to pray for someone RIGHT THEN if they so asked for prayer. And we put that into a sort of practice, an application within the "Bible study" arena. A night of prayer for one another. A night of ministry by lifting our friends' needs together, one by one, to our Father in Heaven and asking the Holy Spirit for comfort and refreshment.

Yeah, maybe it wasn't a Bible study. But I don't think that's what we needed tonight. We needed a night to just fellowship, grow closer, be a little bit vulnerable with our needs, and then pray for one another. And it was good. The needs don't go away as a result. But they're a little easier to bear when they've been acknowledged. They're a little easier to bear when others have heard, understand, and lift them up for you as well. And they're easier to bear when you can be encouraged.

Funny how my running out of time to prep a lesson worked out. Dare I say, Divine?

Random thought: I'm still bouncing a bit from The Gathering. Trygve's getting the mood set well to point towards Advent with John the Baptist: "Prepare the way of the Lord; make straight a highway for our God." John the Baptist talked of a coming Kingdom and I think we should be thinking of that even now, especially if the retailers are assaulting us now with Christmas stuff. And Josh put together a sweet set of music... among others, "Better Is One Day," "Come Thou Fount," a new take on "Amazing Grace," "Did You Hear the Mountains Tremble?" and one that hasn't appeared at The Gathering in a while, but one of the best: "Beautiful One." Yes, the meaning truly is in what the words say, but sometimes I believe the music can help take us away into another dimension and I think that sort of happened on Sunday. Yes, they are only songs, but they are acts of worship and the power and gift of music can turn our minds towards higher things, towards Him.

Monday, 29 October 2007

"Will you pray for me?" "Yes."

Well, I got exactly what I wanted. And more.

I'm in one of the trios for "The Heavens Are Telling." Chelsea calls it "the power trio" since it's Hillary, Isaac, and me. Dr. Richmond also surprised me and I guess I'm in a triple quartet (the true term, but I guess it could be called a dodectet since there's 12 of us in this group) for the "Gloria."

Things are getting a bit frenzied. Seminar in Music research is really in full gear so I have to put the pedal to the metal on that and still balance things with the field placement, Bible Studs, Senior Sem, voice lessons, Chapel Choir, and Collegium Musicum. More than enough, thanks.

I e-mailed a good friend, one from whom I haven't heard a great deal. It's okay-I know he's busy and I understand. But he had said that if I needed prayer to ask. I think I reached a point today where I needed to do that-there's just so much to think about. So I did. I asked him to pray for me.

A bit to my surprise, I already have a reply. In two lines, he said he'd pray and that my own prayers for him (since he's also asked recently for prayer) have made a difference.

It didn't make all those things that I'm facing go away, but a message like that lifted my spirits a bit. The Holy Spirit most certainly is active, and He is faithful.

Tuesday, 09 October 2007

Two GREAT BIG lessons on God

At the Engedi Retreat this past weekend, Dan Webster talked about leadership. It was really sweet and I found a lot of what he said applied well to teaching. And our guest worship band, Atlantic, was pretty solid. I would have liked to have gotten to meet them, but they were somehow evasive around me. Go figure.

The big lesson for me, though, was a quick and somewhat subtle one that came from a conversation I had with my roommates on Friday night. One of them was talking about how he was really "stepping out of the boat and onto the water" with going on the Engedi missions trip to Zambia. He said he had the fight with his inner voices, arguing over why he shouldn't or should go. What struck me was his description of when he finally came to peace, quieted down internally, and made his decision.

"It was like God put His hand on my forehead, said 'Shh, I've got this.' I tried to argue more, but He repeated, 'Shh, I've got this.'"

I'm not sure why that hit me so hard, but it did. I had absolutely no trouble picturing the image of a father putting his hand on a child's head, maybe over his mouth, telling the him very calmly to just quiet down, relax, and that he's in control and looking out for him. The child tries to protest, and the father again quiets him until the child finally relaxes completely. We as Christians need to do that-stop arguing and remaining all tense and putting a complete trust in our Heavenly Father.

Then I had to put that into practice on Monday. It was a stressful day, on the same level as junior year during exams. Dr. Richmond had made it clear two weeks ago that I had to improve my teaching with Collegium Musicum and get to the end of my piece. Nothing like an ultimatum to raise the blood pressure.

I was frightened. Really frightened. Oh yes, and feeling pretty under the weather. With that, I finally broke down after Chapel Choir and sounded what I would call a "prayer alarm." I left an away message that said in essence, "I need prayer, like NOW," spent an hour working on my rehearsal battle plan, and then called my family, not even sure what to tell them except that I felt really sick and frightened. And even though they said they'd pray too, as soon as I hung up my cell phone, I finally broke down. I can't remember the last time I cried, but I did as soon as I got off the phone. I cried my eyes out, and I told God that I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I was ashamed that I took so long to come running to Him, but then it quickly passed on to an almost wild plea for help, for strength and for inspiration. If I didn't have some Divine guidance at rehearsal as I taught, I knew my ship was sunk.

Thankfully, I believe God heard my prayer. I was finally able to stick closely to the plan I had drawn up, I finally shut up and let the ensemble sing, and we made it to the end of the piece. I had to make a quick adjustment when Dr. Richmond told me to do something different, but I was able to not get jostled by that. It may not have been a perfect night, but all things considered, I couldn't have asked for more. Mission accomplished.

God provides. Though I shouldn't have waited till I was in a panic to run to Him, He still answered my prayer, and I am so grateful that words fail me.

Thursday, 30 August 2007

When the Freight Train Hits

I'm never prepared to receive news like I did today from Jordan. As a result, it can just grind and grind at me. Unfortunately, that means that I usually can't focus on much else.

But at Hope College, we are blessed with a Campus Ministries team that loves both its students and faculty & staff and seeks to look after the campus. I saw evidence when Trygve made room in his schedule for me, to let me unpack what mess of emotions was swirling around my brain, and to just pray for me. It cut into his next appointment by several minutes, but he didn't say a word about that.

And Ross did the same thing. He let me talk to him after Chapel Choir, and he prayed with me, too.

Lord, bless them both.

Jesus, You have carried me
When I could not stand
Jesus, You have carried me
It's all been part of Your plan

Jesus, You have carried me
It's Your footprints in the sand
Jesus, You have carried me
It was always in Your hands

Jesus...

Currently Listening Carried Me: The Worship Project By Jeremy Camp Carried Me see related

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

A Comfort in times of grief

I finally returned to the resort today (first time in two weeks!) and was sent outside to cut grass and scrape paint. Unlike last summer, I haven't been able to listen to music while working simply because of the nature of the work and the simple fact that I don't own an mp3 player.

That means I have lots of time to spend thinking, reflecting, and/or in prayer. Today I chose to spend part of it prayer for as many people as I could think of that I've told I'd pray for. It was cool, but it also revealed something obvious, yet deep, to me.

One of my friends has had a tragedy strike him, a kind of tragedy that I could never possibly understand. It's always hard to deal with that; you so badly want to be there for a person but if you can't understand the situation yourself, what CAN you do? As I prayed, I remembered that THAT is what I can and should be doing. I can't comfort this friend right now. Not only am I over 150 miles away, but I just don't understand. But the Heavenly Father DOES understand, IS nearby, and can be a comfort in this time of grief.

Currently Listening Carried Me: The Worship Project By Jeremy Camp Beautiful One see related

Thursday, 05 July 2007

Prayer within a Dream

The other night, I had a dream. It was a sort of bad dream, but sort of good, too. Someone very close to me had just died and I was heartbroken.

But one of my really close friends from Hope that I haven't seen in a while seemingly appeared out of nowhere, somehow knowing exactly what was going on. He prayed with me as soon as I saw him, before anything else.

I wonder what it means when you see someone pray for you in a dream, especially a friend. It sort of reminds me of the lyrics Michael W. Smith wrote in a song that dates back a few years.

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

Currently Listening Change Your World By Michael W. Smith Friends see related

Thursday, 31 May 2007

Not until He comes back

I listened to this song. I think I'm glad Winamp can't play the mp3 for whatever reason because it made me cry. This text breaks my heart.

Can you hear the prayer of the children
on bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room?
Empty eyes with no more tears to cry,
turning heavenward toward the light.
Cryin' "Jesus help me to see the mornin' light of one more day,
but if I should die before I wake,
I pray my soul to take."

Can you feel the hearts of the children
aching for home, for something of their very own?
Reaching hands with nothing to hold on to,
but hope for a better day, a better day.
Cryin' "Jesus help me to feel the love again in my own land,
but if unknown roads lead away from home,
give me loving arms, away from harm."

Can you hear the voice of the children
softly pleading for silence in their shattered world?
Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate,
blood of the innocent on their hands.
Cryin' "Jesus help me to feel the sun again upon my face.
For when darkness clears, I know you're near,
bringing peace again.
Da-li cu-je te sve dje-cje mol-it-ve?
Can you hear the prayer of the children?

Our world is shattered, and we need Jesus more than we can even fathom. Everyone wants peace, yet it has failed to materialize. We'll never have peace in this broken world. At least, not until He comes back and makes all things new.

Revelation 21:1-8 "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son."

Then, and only then, will we truly have peace.

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Nothing.

I heard things that encouraged me. I heard things that made me laugh. I heard things that excited me. I heard things that made me want to cry.

The Bible Studs had an extended time of sharing prayer requests, the laying of hands, and prayer circles. And it was so refreshing. I'm so grateful I could explode. There's STILL nothing like spending time praying with others, thanking God for what He's done through your brothers, and lifting their needs up to Him. Nothing.

The Lord is gracious.

Wednesday, 04 April 2007

Beautiful is...?

Despite it being late and knowing I have an 8:00 class, I just can't bring myself to go to bed yet. I need to write about this.

I rarely, and I mean RARELY, expect Bible Studs to not be awesome, but there was something especially potent about Monday night. We departed from the model we've used throughout the year after finishing Romans and Malachi (quite a pair, aren't they). I liked Brandon and Nate's idea of each of us taking the final three weeks and exploring a topic of interest to us. Since they've been working their brains out for the past month leading the study, I finally took the reins and led the study, which was refreshing.

I thought and thought on what would be a good topic to examine as we approach the end of the semester, and I kept coming back to prayer. The end of the semester for the Bible Studs means the extended sharing and prayer circles, so I naturally thought that looking at prayer would be perfect as we look toward that. I put together the lesson, but I couldn't have possibly prepared for how it would actually go.

The first thing that surprised me was a returning Stud. I had absolutely no clue he'd be here Monday evening, so I nearly fell over when Ben knocked on my door shortly before I was ready to leave for Phelps. I was glad to see him, and so was everyone else, judging by the bear hugs that were exchanged. Yes, we love Ben Manting. Stu Cozzens appeared out of nowhere and joined us too; I didn't know him terribly well, but listening to the insight he brought revealed to me that he's a man of God.

And that's the kind of stuff that made this past Monday night special. The guys took the material and they RAN with it. As I was working on it, I sat at my desk wondering if they'd be able to learn something of it, and if it would add something to their walk with Christ. What would this do to help the Bible Studs as they cultivate their relationship with God? By the end, I knew I didn't have to worry. I saw some of the most active discussion during Bible Studs that I've seen all year, and it excited me. All these factors came together through what I would call God's divine timing. Ben came back on this particular week and had a lot of great things to bring to the discussion as a Brother who's had a little more time and experience in His walk. And I can't say it was an accident that Stu was there on Monday based on what he added to the discussion.

The time spent in prayer spoke volumes. As Nate pointed out afterwards, the prayers from the Studs as we close each Monday have changed. Their prayers have become more reflective of what we've been studying, more of them are praying during the time for open prayer, and they're praying for one another based on the requests & praises that we mention. It's not general, open-ended stuff; we've finally gotten specific. As Christians, "little Christs" in the most literal sense, we're called to be like Him. God's essence is love, and I'm seeing REAL brotherly love between the Bible Studs. They mean business in their relationship with Jesus, and they're showing real concern and interest in each other's lives.

That's what I'd call "beautiful."

Tuesday, 06 February 2007

Indescribable

I don't care if you're sick of reading this. It still renders me speechless to FEEL God's closeness. Here's what I've noticed lately.

-Nik's simple-yet-incredible advice during a spiritual desert: "Tyler, go take some time to be alone." Sure enough, I heard the same thing from Paul Boersma at Chapel on Monday on listening to God's voice. I think it's working.
-A quick dinner at the Kletz shared with Pete over Matthew 5 and how do you teach it to a Bible study. I really like the idea of how we're supposed to be a light in the darkness.
-Something occurred to me during the Bible Studs on Monday night. We accept Jesus in our hearts and say that He's inside, but Paul tells us in Romans 13 to clothes ourselves with Him as well. It made me think-if we truly do this, then our own identity, inside and outside, recedes as Christ's comes forward. We should be seen by others as Christ before ourselves. Kinda crazy, yet sort of a no-brainer at the same time.

I'm trying. I'm trying to tune myself...

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

A prayer from Conducting Class

Set me as a seal upon heart,
as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death.
Many waters cannot quench love;
neither can the floods drown it.
~Song of Solomon 8:6a, 7a

I'm glad Dr. Richmond selected this piece first. I needed to be reminded of what this song says.

Tuesday, 12 December 2006

Exam Week Prayer

God, the Exam Week is great. We spend it with friends, and there are some unforgettable memories made during this week. They're a real blessing, and we thank You for those, along with everything else You've given us.

But Exam Week is also frightening at times. The tests can be downright scary, even if they're overblown. No one shares the exact same schedule, so no one understands what anyone else is really going through. But You still do.

God, give us the mind to look to You for wisdom and strength. Through You we can do all things, as You've promised us in Your Word. Give us the mind to remember that as we go through the week studying and taking tests, performing juries, writing papers, and everything else we do. Send Your Holy Spirit to refresh us and to guide us through this week. And remind us that, regardless of how much we think hangs in the balance, You are still in control, Lord of all, and that You haven't abandoned us.

Keep us close to You, God. And remind us to be faithful in our walks with You, even when we get overwhelmed and busy. We love You, and we want to serve You.

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Comments(1)

I've finished my exams and I think I did alright.
Regardless though; they're done for now.

chickenlittle27

Tuesday, 26 September 2006

God is Faithful
I woke at 7:30 to the phone squawking, "Answer me! Answer me!" and promptly turned over to go back to sleep. Finally my alarm clock sounded shortly after 9 with the Chapel Choir singing Jiri Ropek's "Pange Lingua." I've decided that I like having sweet choral music that praises God to wake me in the morning. It's refreshing and sets the tone for the day right.

Tantum ergo sacramentum
Veneremur cernui,
Et antiquum documentum
Novo cedat ritui;
Praestet fides supplementum
Sensuum defectui.
Genitori Genitoque
Laus et jubilatio,
Salus, honor, virtus quoque
Sit et benedictio;
Procedenti ab utroque
Compar sit laudatio.
Amen.

For those who don't speak Latin on a regular basis (like me), here's the translation.
Down in adoration falling,
Lo! the sacred Host we hail,
Lo! o'er ancient forms departing
Newer rites of grace prevail;
Faith for all defects supplying,
Where the feeble senses fail.
To the everlasting Father,
And the Son Who reigns on high
With the Holy Spirit proceeding
Forth from each eternally,
Be salvation, honor blessing,
Might and endless majesty.
Amen.

I always manage to feel stupid in Intro to Bib Lit. I'm not used to that; Washington Avenue/Cornerstone Baptist Church taught me the Bible pretty well and it was helpful in Quiz Bowl (Lightning Rounds-ZAP!) and also now since I'm co-leading the Bible Studs. But, back to Bib Lit. It's not that the prof is mean, but her almost-encyclopedic knowledge of the Bible and especially New Testament stuff looms large when she talks and asks questions. It's daunting.

Conducting test... umm, I know I didn't fail but I still have a lot to learn. Watching my videotape will be tough. Dr. Richmond is a good teacher and I'm thrilled to study under him, but it's really hard to do that because he knows his stuff so well and is so good at conducting.
It's still hard to go about this week after learning of Mrs. Genson's passing. Being a vocal music ed. major is tough enough. Add this, and... yeah. But God is faithful! He has sent me what I've needed to deal with all this stuff.

I had set my Bible on the floor next to the futon last night when I came in for the night. When I finally got out of bed this morning, I picked it up, and re-read what I posted last time from Ecclesiastes.

God's Word has help. Looking to know God better? According to Romans, we should if we really love Him. Reading the Bible's a good way to do that! I've had the copy of the Bible I use right now since high school. It came with me to Hope, and it's always been there when I've needed it. Admittedly, I haven't read it like I should. But it's still there, waiting to be read, and ready if needed. That's good to know.

People at The Gathering are sweet. I've worshipped in Dimnent Chapel at those services with the same horde of friends since we all arrived as freshman, and I love it. They're great, and I met Sara thanks to this crew. Ben once told me that our group developed a reputation on campus as "that group of (insert 'freshmen,' 'sophomores,' or 'juniors,' depending on the year) that took an entire pew together on the left towards the front." And then there's those random pats on the shoulder, warm smiles, a few hugs and stuff like that that I encounter when I get up to take Communion, some from people that I wouldn't expect. Praying alongside Brandon and Laura in front of the stage during Communion was good, too. Roy was right when he was teaching us Sunday School back when I was in high school-relationships do grow out of praying together.

Speaking of praying together... the Bible Studs. Wow. I've rediscovered how healthy it is to study God's Word and pray with other Christians. In times of personal crisis (like now), that goodness is magnified. Praying for their needs and being prayed for is amazing. Jesus said, "Where two or three are gathered together, there I am in the midst of them." That felt especially true last night, and was it ever good.

Even though she's in Germany, Sara has been so wonderful as well. It's good to know that she still understands and that she cares, even though she's thousands of miles away in Germany. After getting a swift reply this morning from her after I completely spilled my guts to her in an e-mail last night, I knew I'm blessed that Sara's a part of my life. I just miss her so much.

Yes, going home for the memorial service on Saturday will be tough. I'm honestly not looking forward to doing that. But the burden's easier to bear, because I have Christ at my side and loved ones (friends and family) who will pray. What more could I ask for than that?

Sunday, 21 May 2006

Rewards?

It seems that I'm at last reaping the benefits of what I have put myself through as a music education major. Looking at all of it and breaking it down, I can't believe how far I've come since I graduated from high school only two years ago.

-Singing: I think it's finally started to go somewhere! I thought as an incoming freshman that I was all that and a bag of chips. After all, qualifying for All-State senior year and State Honors Choir four different times counted for SOMETHING, right? Well, yeah... but upon arriving at Hope College, I suddenly felt very small and realized how great I wasn't. I was humbled very quickly by my teacher and my colleagues. Dr. Richmond & Dr. Buettner have kicked my butt in the studio but I'm starting to finally see noticeable improvement. That elusive "spin" Dr. Richmond has talked about so much is finally beginning to appear. It's only taken two years, but I guess I should know by now that truly getting somewhere in music takes a LOT of patience.

-Piano: despite all the frustration and unnecessary added stress, my playing has improved. As I sat at the piano practicing "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" at church this morning before the service, a zillion thoughts spun through my head. Legato-style playing that Prof. Le explained to me, phrase analysis that Dr. Hodson taught us, and dynamic contrast that I learned in lessons all caught my attention. None of that would have occurred to me when I would play even one year earlier. My playing has evolved and it finally is beginning to feel expressive.

-Education: what is there to say? Two Education Department classes, an IDS class that quasi-related to education (not really), and three Music Methods classes later, I've learned a fair share in a small amount of time about teaching music. I've realized where my strengths and weakness lie. More importantly, I've learned how not just anyone can teach. I still cannot understand why colleges would hire professors who either have no prior teaching experience or no education certification. As I observed personally, being knowledgeable and holding high expectations aren't the only qualifications for teaching. Presentation is half the battle.

It stretches beyond academics as well. I've learned about friendship and prayer since coming to college but especially this semester. The academics nearly killed me, but they didn't for a few reasons. One of them definitely was friends who would pray. During those go crazy times, I realized that I had to ask friends for help. "Pray for me, I'm going nuts!" was a sentence I used a lot with them. It made a difference and I learned how close that can bring Brothers and Sisters in Christ together. The Bible Studs have made a greater difference than I'd ever know, but especially the small group from this year: Nate, Ben, Paul, & Brandon. Shooting the breeze over lunch, talking about life and what to pray for meant more than I'd be any of us could ever imagine.

But the greatest thing I've observed for cementing friendships remains praying together. I recently saw in church on Mother's Day a promotional video for the Moms In Touch program. No, I'm not a mom, but it still was relevant. The women who were interviewed talked how much it meant to meet with other moms, pray for one another's children and schools, and what kind of bonds those experiences created.

It goes beyond moms, though. I've learned how awesome it is to pray with friends. Coming down to Spring Lake and visiting Ben for awhile was great. No beach bumming, but reminiscing over amusing moments in high school (tennis & band for Ben, quiz bowl & choir for me, and the overlap between Spring Lake & Ludington for both of us), hanging at Applebee's, watching Saving Private Ryan at a really late hour (as in starting it at 11:30) just because we could, laughing at daytime television, musing over pictures, and playing two-way Nertz was pretty sweet. The best came at the end, though. Just as we prayed together for his talk in Chapel, Ben and I prayed together over the upcoming summer. That alone made the trip worth it. Praying together with another Brother in Christ & good friend is how REAL friendship is made.

Currently Listening Portrait of the Cambridge Singers By Rutter, London Sinfonia, Cambridge Singers Sing Joyfully see related

Monday, 24 April 2006

"Where two or three are gathered in my name..."
I've learned a lot about prayer since coming to Hope. It is an excellent defense when Satan's throwing everything he has at you, it can calm hearts in times of trouble, and it can bring brothers (and sisters) in Christ close together.

Ben and I prayed together over his talk in chapel tomorrow and it was sweet. I'm still a little unsure what possessed me to ask to pray with him about this, but after we finished, it felt pretty clear that it was the Holy Spirit's doing. I felt God's presence, a true closeness to Him.

Recently I haven't felt that unique closeness very much, but tonight was different. The words from Matthew 18:20 stand out to me right now.

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them."
To quote a great American spiritual, "Ain-a that good news?!"

When two or more Christians gather in God's name, He is RIGHT THERE. I know I think that's pretty cool to imagine that our Heavenly Father is right there when we gather together.

Comments(3)

OH YEAHHHHH!!!!
johnateson

AMEN Brothah!
amydncer

And to add on to this, God answered the prayers Ben and I prayed. The talk in chapel was AWESOME and I think the words he spoke pleased God. Huzzah!
Major_General_Music

Wednesday, 08 March 2006

"I'm in charge. Don't worry."

Life seems to be a rollercoaster. Monday knocked me flat and Tuesday couldn't have been much better.

Between the bad news on not making it as an AD, accomplishing nothing in Chapel Choir, and having to act like nothing was wrong while painting the Dance Marathon banner or in Middle School Methods, I felt like it couldn't get much worse. It truly couldn't-I suffered a complete meltdown at Bible Study and I think I freaked out just about everyone there. I couldn't even eat one of brownies Mom made for the Bible Study. How sad is that?

But once again, God sent caring people to pray for me in a time of need; I've learned just exactly how potent a weapon prayer is. After almost completely shutting myself down from everything, I finally had enough guts to talk to a few people who I know care. My thanks to Ben, Nate, Brandon, Pete, AND my family for praying. You all are amazing.

God answered those prayers. I woke to a beautiful, sunny morning and it just radiated the promise of a new day, once again in God's hands. I felt Him say, "I'm in charge. Don't worry."

This day felt blessed. I went to my field placement and saw another instance of God's love manifested in the students. One in particular caught my attention today. He has a lot of needs and because of the mental disabilities he has, it can be difficult to read how much he's processing and how much he's really interacting with others. Yet while I was standing behind him, he looked directly at me and just took my hand.

I've never really heard him say anything that I could comprehend and I haven't had many opportunities to work directly with him. Yet he just took my hand and held it tight. I've barely been in the classroom half a semester and I already love him and all the other students. The beautiful thing about them is that they aren't emotionally inhibited. They'll love back and they're not afraid to show it. In this small way, this student took my hand and the message I just felt was, "I like you. You matter to me." In that one moment, I melted. Completely.

And there was the matter of Keyboard Skills. I'll make it. Prof. Le was satisfied today with what I did. Practicing is grueling, but my teacher was pleased. I'm still stressed and life as student in private piano lessons isn't an easy one. But I feel like I'm not drowning in despair and frustration. I'll get there. And I'm so glad Chelsea is there with me so we can cheer each other on.

It was good to run into Ben at the Kletz. Even though it was a short conversation (teachers are busy people), it was good to know that he wanted to know if things were better. "Thankfully, yes."

I got to chill with Pete tonight! He knew I was going crazy last night and he prayed for me. And then he told me, "Let's go out for coffee. I've been gone for awhile and we need to catch up." And so we did just that at Lemonjello's. All I can say is, there are few better things in life than spending some time with a good friend and enjoying some truly meaningful conversation. Bonus points for hot chocolate, too. Mmm.

Yes, God is still in charge. I felt horribly far away from Him yesterday, but I learned once again today that He hasn't abandoned me.

Comments(2)

GOd is good, all of the time. Its good to hear your giving all of your problems up to him.
nate
2 Peter 1:3

johnateson

God is great- that is why you have all of us friends.
It's a good thing life isn't literally like a rollar coaster. :s I'd get sick.
Of course bonus points are awarded to hot chocolate.

chickenlittle27