Tuesday, 09 October 2007

Two GREAT BIG lessons on God

At the Engedi Retreat this past weekend, Dan Webster talked about leadership. It was really sweet and I found a lot of what he said applied well to teaching. And our guest worship band, Atlantic, was pretty solid. I would have liked to have gotten to meet them, but they were somehow evasive around me. Go figure.

The big lesson for me, though, was a quick and somewhat subtle one that came from a conversation I had with my roommates on Friday night. One of them was talking about how he was really "stepping out of the boat and onto the water" with going on the Engedi missions trip to Zambia. He said he had the fight with his inner voices, arguing over why he shouldn't or should go. What struck me was his description of when he finally came to peace, quieted down internally, and made his decision.

"It was like God put His hand on my forehead, said 'Shh, I've got this.' I tried to argue more, but He repeated, 'Shh, I've got this.'"

I'm not sure why that hit me so hard, but it did. I had absolutely no trouble picturing the image of a father putting his hand on a child's head, maybe over his mouth, telling the him very calmly to just quiet down, relax, and that he's in control and looking out for him. The child tries to protest, and the father again quiets him until the child finally relaxes completely. We as Christians need to do that-stop arguing and remaining all tense and putting a complete trust in our Heavenly Father.

Then I had to put that into practice on Monday. It was a stressful day, on the same level as junior year during exams. Dr. Richmond had made it clear two weeks ago that I had to improve my teaching with Collegium Musicum and get to the end of my piece. Nothing like an ultimatum to raise the blood pressure.

I was frightened. Really frightened. Oh yes, and feeling pretty under the weather. With that, I finally broke down after Chapel Choir and sounded what I would call a "prayer alarm." I left an away message that said in essence, "I need prayer, like NOW," spent an hour working on my rehearsal battle plan, and then called my family, not even sure what to tell them except that I felt really sick and frightened. And even though they said they'd pray too, as soon as I hung up my cell phone, I finally broke down. I can't remember the last time I cried, but I did as soon as I got off the phone. I cried my eyes out, and I told God that I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I was ashamed that I took so long to come running to Him, but then it quickly passed on to an almost wild plea for help, for strength and for inspiration. If I didn't have some Divine guidance at rehearsal as I taught, I knew my ship was sunk.

Thankfully, I believe God heard my prayer. I was finally able to stick closely to the plan I had drawn up, I finally shut up and let the ensemble sing, and we made it to the end of the piece. I had to make a quick adjustment when Dr. Richmond told me to do something different, but I was able to not get jostled by that. It may not have been a perfect night, but all things considered, I couldn't have asked for more. Mission accomplished.

God provides. Though I shouldn't have waited till I was in a panic to run to Him, He still answered my prayer, and I am so grateful that words fail me.