ARMOR UP

Coming back into a routine after something so different, whether a missions trip or a vacation, can be bumpy.

It was refreshing to jump back into the ARMORED series. As I prepped the study, I wondered why we keep coming back to this topic over and over.

Why do we not learn our lesson on fear? Why does this command pop up over and over again?

Peter saw the wind (or maybe evidence of it... whatever exactly he saw) when he stepped onto the water and grew afraid, even when Jesus was right there. And then his faith, which was enough for him to walk on the water himself, was shaken. Our strength may fail, but our Father calls us onward.

C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters regarding distraction and to distract the Christian. I wondered about that after how much we pondered that and the more I consider it, I really think that's a large piece of it. Peter was misdirected, and it was nearly his undoing to the point of his very life in one of those sudden Galilean tempests.

In contrast, I admired last night how, even as the busy-ness and noise reaches deafening levels in spring, these guys have remained focused and keep coming (even if they can't be there for the entire thing) for the fellowship, the chance to study together, and to pray for the study and for one another. They've remained focused. As one of them later mentioned, he expected to not have gotten anything out of the evening, but: he did anyway and was reminded that there remained the opportunity to dig in to the study at home and study this stuff on his own.

Absolutely. I love these gatherings, but the alone time with Him is just as important. We need to seek God, to know and follow Him not only with our comrades, but also on our own time.

Sunday, 30 November 2008

God, Where ARE You?

It was just one of those tough days. Not a lot has gone right, despite singing okay in my first foray at special music in about a year and a good discussion in the small group tonight at youth group. Sometimes, though, when I say that, maybe now I'm wondering if I'm just fooling myself.

I WANT to make a difference. I want to help the high school students that darken Cornerstone's doors grow in their walk with Christ. I know I'm still learning how to best do it because it's an art and not a science. An art is learned through practice. And in the case of youth group, or camp, or any ministry that God blesses, He provides the increase in His own time.

But like I said, nights like this are tough. Snarky, hurtful comments don't seem to end and a lack of enthusiasm can spread like a cancer. And then it makes it harder for those that are there and want to learn something and to actually grow. It always sows this seed of doubt in my mind: did I do something wrong?

And then... I come home and get more bad news that isn't even worth writing about. And I finally had enough. I couldn't take it. I sat down on the couch, and tried to talk to God about everything. But I couldn't. Instead, I felt as alone as I've ever felt. And I ended up asking, "God, where ARE You?"

But then, I remembered the verse from Romans (8:26, I looked it up later) that said the Holy Spirit will pray what we need FOR US what words cannot express. The Holy Spirit (that's GOD) will pray for us what words cannot express. When I remembered that I started to cry for the first time in recent memory.

I'm still feeling alone, but not AS alone. Because I have the Holy Spirit praying FOR me. And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that.

Sunday, 05 November 2006

"You're not alone"

I didn't see it coming. I had gone about my business over the weekend, spending Friday going to Chapel and not class thanks to a music conference in Los Angeles, enjoying lunch with Ross (he's a cool guy, let me tell you). I sang at the Wind Symphony concert and enjoyed every second of it. Who would have thought that I'd get to perform with a concert band despite only studying ten years of piano and two-plus years of voice? And I didn't count on a movie night at Laura and Jeannette's afterward, but that was great too. Have you ever seen Mickey Blue Eyes? It's just a little bit weird, but pretty funny, honestly.

I slept in on Saturday for the first time in what seemed like forever. I went on the hunt for the books I need for my Music Lit research paper (just for the record, I love MeLCAT-they got me a book from Hillsdale in three days) and came back with everything that I intended to find. I watched Jeff & Kristin at their recital. I did a self-analysis for Conducting. I took a longer-than-expected nap (oops). And I enjoyed an evening as a sports fan after almost getting lost, singing the national anthem for the boys on the hockey team and then watching them steamroll Saginaw Valley.

I'm a bit upset I missed Engedi this morning, but when there are no more clean clothes to wear, that's a problem. Thankfully, I got that done along with stuff for Instrumental Methods, Conducting, and Form & Analysis. I called home earlier this afternoon. And I took in The Gathering, so there was a bit of compensation for missing church this morning. Not next Sunday, that's for sure.

Oh yeah, it was Parents' Weekend this weekend. I didn't really notice any of them at first. I was busily doing my own thing, they were busily doing their own thing, and it was fine. Some of them were at the hockey game with their kids on Saturday, but many were probably at the Civic Center watching Nykerk. But I saw a few this morning going to church with their kids, and I found a dad snoozing in the third-floor lounge. There were even a few parents around for The Gathering. I saw them as I was walking to Dimnent.

And that's when it hit me. Despite having great friends here at Hope, and having them even RIGHT NEXT to me in the chapel, I still felt a bit lonely, alone, among so many people. And I suddenly realized why.

I was lonely for my family. I didn't get to see MY parents or MY brother, and I wanted to see them. Suddenly, I missed them TERRIBLY. But why? I've been gone longer than this before and I made it fine. I'm in my third year at Hope. Was this what all the freshmen that have gone to this institution have felt after Orientation ended? Did I just get this feeling of alone-ness put on hold for two years?

I was later reminded by the Holy Spirit that I'm not really alone. He remined me, "You're not alone." I remembered that my Heavenly Father is still with me, even when my parents aren't. That makes me thankful.

Comments(3)

Right on brother, Right no ^_^
For whenever you feel lonely
do not worry for that time will pass
and you wil be with those of whom you love
and the Lord your God is always in your company.
Just say hello =)

TheGoofyKnight

make that top NO an "ON" and we're good to go, lol

TheGoofyKnight

i don't check on knowhope very often these days but I did today and I'm sure glad I did. You sure look like you're rockin' out there!

daleyrachel