I love telling stories. A LOT.
I discovered REALLY FAST in my first year of counseling at Center Lake there's a bit of a learning curve if I wanted to tell from the same collected works that a lot of the core staff dudes and veteran guy counselors used that I had a bit to learn. So I listened intently with my campers, laughed my head off with them, and then began the stories myself in a sort of Dr. Seuss-meets-Monty Python style that I guess is all my own. Or something like that.
ANYWAY. I was talking to my good bro Austin on Facebook about this and that and we both needed to sign off, and well... read on. I already saved it in a note, but felt this is worth saving here too.
Austin: bedtime story?
Tyler: oh, sure...
"so there i was..."
Austin: nope i found yo numba the camp directory
Tyler: "with naught but a bowie knife, and one batmobile in the australian outback"
Austin: eating lamb chops?
Tyler: of course! grilled to perfection with a side of taipan egg omelet (better to eat the snake eggs before they hatch and bite you, of course)
when all of the sudden, i heard the roar of a kraken!
Austin: THE kraken?
:o:o
Tyler: oh yes! THAT kraken!
Austin: timothy~
!
Tyler: krakens being my mortal enemy, and loving a good challenge, i pulled out my ocarina from the batmobile and began to play music... first zelda's lullaby to lull it into a false sense of security (to make it think i don't know what i'm doing and am just pushing random buttons)
then the song of storms to make it rain, and then that guy starts making the windmill spin too fast, which somehow makes the KRAKEN angry
Austin: (when in fact you are)
Tyler: true!
so there we are, ready to do battle
and then the announcer says, "round one... FIGHT!"
so we're off, doing battle!
Austin: japanese or eastern european announcer?
Tyler: this guy's more japanese-ish
i stick my knife in its little sheath and decide to go for amore direct attack
a few jabs and punches
Austin: and a flick behind the ear!
Tyler: the kraken, he wraps a tentacle laced with suction cups around me, squeezes a few times, and somehow that sends me flying until i hit the invisible wall, -KERSMACK!-
so i decide to throw a nice fireball at him, yelling -HADOKEN!- (cue fireball sound effect)
Austin: (for good measure)
Tyler: krakens obviously don't like chi-based fire
Austin: or chi-based currey
Tyler: (that too)
then the kraken goes for the direct move, smacking me a few times with his lobster claw-like thingses (this is one of those dual-type lobster/squid types)
so then i decide my knife needs some action and roll to see if i successfully can ride the kraken!
i roll a natural 001!
success!
Austin: naturally
Tyler: i land on top of the kraken and roll again for a skill test to see if i can slash at one of the biggest tentacles
success (it must be my day!) (i lost track of the number)
Austin: his nameis franky
Tyler: ah! that's right!
so i slash at his tentacle before just stabbing the knife into the tentacle
the kraken franky, he doesn't like that very much
so i jump off with a nice flip, roll the control pad and press punch and execute a nice dragon punch as he goes for another tentacle squeeze
we trade hits and each slam into the invisible walls
Austin: fighter's destiny!
Tyler: with our damage meters nearing empty, it comes down to one final move...
who will win? me, the australian adventurer? or franky the kraken?!
Austin: quick press up, down, up,up,up,up left kick spin punch
!!!
Tyler: funny... my combo meter was at level 3!!!!
Austin: gnarly...
Tyler: and i pushed that and flew across the screen and flew into the wildest hurricane kick that you ever SAW!!!!
and krakens HATE hurricanes
Austin: KATRINAD!!!
Tyler: the kraken spun around and got kicked over and over, spit flying, claws snapping, suction cups making sucking sounds, and teeth breaking
Austin: or DAVID'D!!!!
Tyler: and when the dust settled, all i could see was a little crayfish scuttling next to a puddle of saltwater
Austin: and a jelly bean!
Tyler: i set him in it, resheathed my bowie knife (which had somehow fallen in the sand), ate the jelly bean (which healed my wounds)
Austin: wounds of might!
Tyler: and drove off in my batmobile, which had been refueled, looking for another challenge
Austin: and the sun set as the crayfish died suddenly of massive hemorrhaging!
Tyler: oh yes, i always forget that part
Austin: lol....awesome thanks for the potential dream fuel bro good night!!
Tyler: no prob - have a good night bud
Not too many stories make me laugh when I re-read them, but this one does.
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, 14 June 2005
Presenting the Next Pulitzer-winning Short Story!
Top Secret Mission #61038467-0265: Make up a story in the adventure genre, with a purple giraffe, a pumpkin, and a sprinkler. Mission-accomplished. The Angela gave me this mission and I successfully completed it, much to her delight. I now share it with my readers, who are primarily the Angela & the Becky, who have already seen it, and my secret-reading brother, I think. It cleverly combines elements from the comedian Brian Regan, Indiana Jones, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Super Mario Bros. 3, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, & Oregon Trail. Below is the transcript of the online conversation which produced this masterpiece, "The Tale of Esteban & Pierre: The Quest for the Mystical Pumpkin"
The Angela: tell me a story!
The Major General Music: what kind of story?
The Angela: and adventure story
The Major General Music: hmmm, an adventure story
The Angela: with a purple giraffe!
The Angela: and a pumpkin
The Major General Music: anything else?
The Angela: yes
The Angela: and a sprinkler
The Major General Music: give me a moment to process the information and concot my story
The Angela: okay (ooo concoting- this is gonna be good)
The Major General Music: once upon a time, there was a giraffe
The Major General Music: this was an ordinary giraffe
The Major General Music: his name was esteban
The Major General Music: esteban was out playing in the savanna with his sprinkler when his flying squid friend, pierre, told him about a mystical pumpkin
The Major General Music: "esteban," pierre said, "have you ever heard of the pumpkin of virtue?"
The Major General Music: "no," replied esteban, "but i'd like to find it!"
The Major General Music: together, pierre and esteban set out to find the pumpkin of virtue.legends tell of it lying at the peak of a mountain in a realm many miles away
The Angela: sounds dangerous
The Major General Music: they had to endure many dangers and perils
The Angela: and perilous
The Major General Music: crocodiles in the horrible swampy mire
The Major General Music: they swung over the mire on a vine (*cue indiana jones music here*)
The Major General Music: they crossed the plains where the horrible hungry giraffe-and-flying-squid-eating prarie dogs lived
The Major General Music: pierre luckily had extra wax for his wings to carrying esteban over the prarie dog-infested plains
The Major General Music: "why is there all that crayon wax on your wings?" asked esteban
The Major General Music: "i read about icarus-he used candlewax on his wings and the sun melted it and he fell to his death"
The Major General Music: "so why are you using crayon wax?"
The Major General Music: "this isn't just CRAYON wax, my friend..." answered pierre."THIS is crayola wax!highly durable and a melting point far above body temperature so as to not melt in the mouths of small children!"
The Major General Music: they flew over the plains avoiding the prarie dogs, who barked in rage at the squid and giraffe
The Major General Music: (insert barking here)
The Angela: Good old pierre
The Angela: Woofwoof!
The Major General Music: thank you
The Angela: Grrr Ruff!
The Major General Music: they then had to find a way across the river of cheeses
The Major General Music: "i can't walk through here-it's too deep and you know i have a weakness for swiss..." moaned esteban
The Angela: Watch out for the Cheese logs!
The Major General Music: pierre said, "after carrying you over the plains, i can't do anymore flying.between you and helping the coconuts migrate, i can't do much more."
The Major General Music: so instead of fording the river with the oxen in front, they caulked the wagon and floated it across (*cue the music from apple IIe version of "oregon trail"*)
The Major General Music: after crossing the river and nearly sinking after the wagon was struck by a large hunk of velveeta, the two reached the mountain chain
The Angela: (you lost 2 sets of clothing and 45 lbs of food.)
The Major General Music: "here we are," stated esteban.the pumpkin of virtue lies at the top of this mountain
The Angela: (and 2 boxens of bullets!)
The Major General Music: they spent days climbing the mountain, fighting off the para-goombas and the occasional lakitu
The Major General Music: after seven days, they reached the top of death mountain, where the tower of ganon the evil pig-lord lives!
The Major General Music: "the pumpkin of virtue is inside the tower!" yelled pierre
The Major General Music: "we're almost there."
The Major General Music: the two carefully stepped inside the tower to find no evil creatures, elf-boy characters with a sword and boomerangs, princess girls, or evil pig-lords.instead, they found a large pumpkin
The Angela: hurray for them!
The Major General Music: "after losing those provisions from that velveeta, i'm STARVING!" said esteban
The Major General Music: pierre warned him, "couldn't it be dangerous if we EAT what we set out to find?"
The Major General Music: "nonsense!!!!" answered esteban."i have a special recipe for pumpkin pie!!!!"
The Angela: mmm and roasted pumpkin seeds
The Major General Music: and so they found an oven, a ready-to-bake pie crust and all the fixings for a pumpkin pie (including 11 secret herbs and spices), and the two baked up a lovely pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds
The Major General Music: "i can't wait to try this!" they said together when the oven went *SQUAWK!!!!*
The Angela: not Quack?
The Major General Music: then the Triforce appeared, saying "you have not showed virtue.you found this sacred pumpkin and have desecrated it by turning it into a delicious dessert worthy of a blue ribbon at the county fair and roasted seeds."
The Major General Music: pierre, trying to fly away, was immediately zapped, flash-frozen, and sent off to japan where flying squid are considered a delicacy
The Major General Music: and poor esteban was floated back home and as a sign of disgrace, was turned purple and laughed at for all ages by the other giraffes, who berated him for missing his chance to be the keeper of the pumpkin of virtue
The Angela: What else could one do with such a pumpkin?
The Major General Music: and now the legends say that sometimes in the savannas, you can still see the figure of a purple giraffe playing in his sprinkler, worrying over his pumpkin
The Major General Music: THE END!!!!
The Major General Music: don't you love it when i tell stories?
The Angela: Hurray for me for hearing such a fun-creative-interactive story!
The Angela: Hurray for Tyler!!You are a worthy teller of tales.
The Major General Music: hurray for me!!!!
Comments(13)
Hurray for me!
chickenlittle27
Hurray for me!
chickenlittle27
chickenlittle27
I wonder how many I could post before I get bored or the little creatures that take care of xanga-land ban me from commenting.
chickenlittle27
I'm not sure they'd ban you. However, my Xanga could get featured at the entrance to Xangaland which would lead more people to read it and comment on this post. Hurray for me!
Major_General_Music
I still think it would be better in prose form with little kiddie pics. Maybe you should try and get this published. That would help pay for your college....
dorothygale27
Unlikely. Sorry but I don't think that your site will be featured and you know what I say to that? Too BAD for you!!! MUAHahahahaha!
chickenlittle27
The Angela is cruel to the Major General Music after his generous storytelling!!!!!
Major_General_Music
I'm not cruel. I gave a whole boxen of many much thanks! There was a whole flock of thanks. I found them in the woods, in the woodes, in the woodsen!
chickenlittle27
Must you ALWAYS bring up Brian Regan into EVERYTHING?!
Major_General_Music
YES! I must and you should too! YOU TOO; TAKE... LUCK!!!
chickenlittle27
Care thanks!
Major_General_Music
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